love of my life – letters to you
hej, there, my deepest love!
today it was quite boring, after getting up with you at shortly after 4 a.m. and hanging around in bed, to take my time to awake.
it was so beautiful with you.
i fed the pets and we said our farewell. you were gone and i cried. i know it’s only for 13 days, but you know me and my little emotional hardcore stupid behavior, but you love me because of my immaturity in these kind of situations. after you left, i just studied a bit and i was getting sooo tired again.
i forgot about eating until 4 p.m., because i was so busy. after studying, i left home for visiting grandma. she’s not well, but she wished you a nice vacation.
with my godmother i drove to grandpa, where i was eating something and we drank coffee.
afterwards there was the highlight of my day, which helped me to focus on other things than grandma and not being able to see, feel, touch and kiss you for thirteen days. i met with dominik and we went book and cd-shopping in the mall.
then we decided to go to the cinema center to have drinks and watch “sherlock holmes”. i know you’re not interested in this movie.
then we gambled a bit. the movie was quite nice, i liked it.
now we have another mcdonalds glass in pink, because we were eating there. now i’m watching tv in our bed. i love and miss you, honey. have fun and enjoy your trip!
some favorable news
dear folks,
i’m getting older and older (today, i’m getting 23 years old), wiser and wiser but there are some things in life, which making me becoming a teenie again, like the news i read at the blog of young and wonderful anette olzon.
so, first of all, because i haven’t done it yet… i have to recommand her blog, it’s simply fantastic. a wide range of topics, not only music or fashion, but also movies and her own thoughts. it’s just bloody brilliant and a good lecture before going to bed or during time of the day.
but the news, i want to spread are: nighwish are going back into studio to record their next album in autumn. you can read further information right here.
so that’s the best birthday news i can get.
i want to thank you, my dear readers of this blog. i want to thank various artists, who inspires me so much.
thanks and hugs to my love, who is making me bigger and better in every single way of living, because he’s just there and supports me and every crazy or hilarious idea i have. (and there are more than enough. i’m just a creative genius.)
my family: i love you, thank you for pushing me through school, and your nice idea of sending me at convent school. i didn’t like it there, but it was quite nice to get to know some people. like her. thank you for allowing me to visit public school to meet him.
thanks for all those nice friends, who are spending time with this lazy ass of mine.
thanks to stephen kind for finally ending “dark tower” series and for writing the stand, somewhere back in the late 80s or 90s.
thanks and compliments to my body, that it is healthy again.
oh, this list is endless, i fear. thanks to all of you you for reading this shit. maybe i can use this some time for the oscars. not that i’m an actress or anything like this.
it’s just me. and noone else. just the tiny me with the big dreams in a night, with lot of snowfall outside. life’s amazing.
documentary about natascha kampusch
today evening i watched a documentary about natascha kampusch.
i think she is a very strong person, who earns our fullest and deepest respect. not pity, because she made it through her torture, which was hard enough.
hopefully she finds a way to lead an ordinary life with close friends, who love her, because she’s just herself and not some celebrity for sad reasons.
i think she’s a pretty smart girl and she uses amazing words. i liked her talkshow, though i only saw it once. i respect strong women and wish her the very best.
thinking about uni for breakfast – disability
tomorrow it starts to be scarry. i’ve my first exam in this winter term. but it’s okay, i’ve learnt, so it really is gonna be okay. but in fact, today it would be wise to re-read and repeat the material.
on wendnesday i have another exam, but for this lecture we can decide, if we want to do some homework or an exam. first of all i thought exam would be better, but since yesterday i’m pretty sure, that the homework is maybe a little bit harder to do, it’s a lot to think about, but when you’re working out a concept, for me it’s the better way to remember things.
the first two questions i have ready since ages, but i didn’t send them.
1) please think about a specific situation in your life, in which you was confrontet with disability. describe the phenomenon “disability” (definition), how you personally experienced/viewed it?
this was the first question. since my half family is somehow involved with disability it should have been an easy answer, but it wasn’t. i only had three points in my mind:
- peolpe with disability are human, so why do people exclude them?
- even when people have a mental disability, it doesn’t mean that they can’t have fun or lead an interesting life. maybe they can not solve any high matematical problems (some autistics can do) or leading a parlament discussion. but they are human and most times so honest, it could hurt. because they are telling you the truth, if they like you or not.
- physical disabled people can be so creative to reach they goals. so, you don’t need to hear to go to the park and enjoy the sun. with help and creativity you can lead you life on your own, i guess. of course it’s harder to do the daily stuff, but in fact they also can have lots of fun, most times make some trips and visit museums or concerts.
but in fact i would say “disability” is a circumstance, which prevents you to do things (without help), which are possible to do for the main part of people.
that was the first question and i think it needs a quite long explanation. it’s not easy to say… it’s this and that. because you also can use this definition for old people, you know? so it’s not very easy to answer this. when i would be a little bit smarter i would have taken a closer look at wikipedia, but i wanted to find my personal answer.
2) What means “disability” emotional to you (your own concernment)?
my answer is very easy for this one: since some of my family work with people with mental disability and i made a voluntary traineeship, it’s easy for me to work or get in touch with disabled people. it’s hard for me, when people are gazing on them or provocantly look away, so that they don’t have to see them. i’m really getting angry about this fact.
in fact i can understand, that it’s hard for some to understand that disabled are not so different than “ordinary” people.
soooo, now i shared enough thoughts for now. it’s study-time. have a nice day and take a look at yourself!
nightmares another one
it’s none of these dreams, in which you wake up and cry and your body can’t stop shaking. but it’s deeper going.
i was with a friend on a concert. we didn’t know how to go to vienna, because there it was, but my dad, this rock king, decided to join us and come along with us. so travelling to vienna was no problem.
when we arrived there we were hungry and tina and my dad went to a shop to buy some food. i recognized the music, which said that the band is coming out. it was an interesting atmosphere, lots of people had sitting-places around tables and i stood first row. and noone was there, just me. i felt a little bit confused, because this never happend of one of their concerts. but even this was okay.
an old lady came to me during the band’s performace and asked me to have a look at her daughter. the girl was about eight years younger than me. she also begged me to help my sister realize her dreams and i reasured her i would.
after the concert i couldn’t go to my home, because i had to join the girl, who played in a field. full of flowers and bees. it was noon and when i followed her, through the fields and the forest i met a guy, who seemed to share my babysitting-time and had a closer look on the girl.
it was this scene, when i suddenly heard the song “bless the child”.
it sounds so weird and i didn’t listen to this song for ages, before this dream. but in the last weeks i can’t stop listening to it.
should i bless my inner child? i’m not pregnent, neither is my sister (i would beat her, if she is! she’s too young) . i wouldn’t call it a real nightmare, but i didn’t know what to do or which way to take, so i have to think about it. it’s like i’m missing some link.
time to be grateful
people always say, that you only be thankful for you life and everything around it, when you’re down having nothing less to hope for anything.
i don’t believe in god in the classical way of the church, you know that. but i’m so happy and grateful, when my life’s perfect. like now. it’s so beautiful. my love and family is healthy, i have absolutely amazing friends, a lot of fun, money, luck in everything i’m doing.
so just be thankful for everything you’ve got in life. even though it may be sometimes really hard. even when it’s not that easy i’m so positive and thankful for everything. most times. ^^
the tv is showing some tipps, how to become a happier person. the only thing i really liked and maybe i’m trying is putting the ten happiest things of day on a list during the evening.
well, i’m starting:
i’m happy for…
1) … an amazing boyfriend, who loves me and whom i love.
2) … doing nothing for a while.
3) … having no problems with my stomach.
4) … having a great family, two crazy sisters and sometimes strange, but lovely parents
5) … having a shower or a hot bath after my studies
6) … having interesting material to study for university
7) … being satisfied with me and myself
… nice evenings with the guys now and than
9) … tasting tequilla rosé yesterday. (some kind of bailey’s… strawberry juice, cream and tequilla. that’s really nice)
10) … this comfortable sunday.
spa loipersdorf, alpha-sphere and sauna
so, today i actually can tell you some things about this beautiful spa. the areal is big, more than big… you don’t know where to go or what to try until you reach the lagune, because there between the alpha-sphere and the realixing “saltroom”, which is absolutly brilliant (you have to pay for it extra, but who cares, it’s just bloody amazing), there are some info-folders with maps on it, so you can find your way through the whole building.
well, my highlight was the alpha-sphere. you go to this amazing and very nice lady and she tells you everything about the spa and what you want to know about this special thing and when you decide to join one round of the alpha-sphere, you have to make an appointement of time.
when you go inside you’ll love it. it’s a circular blue room with atmospheric blue chairs, which are some kind of swing, because they move, when you’re breathing. and after the lady’s gone music starts and you breath in and out, the chairs are moving, nothing counts and you’re just yourself and it’s like… you don’t have any parts of your body left. there is just your head left.
you feel the vibrations of the music in the chair. and it’s soothing and i’m looking forward to visit it again tomorrow. (of course, because i need this relaxing time, because i reached the examination time at university and so i have to increase my alpha-waves in my brain. of course!) 
and the third part i want to tell you about is the sauna. it should be amazing and big, my bf said, but i really have to confess, i don’t feel well at the thought of visiting a public sauna. i love sauna, but here in the middle of europe we were not brought up with the sauna, so it’s just weird for me to show me naked amidst strangers.
i have no problem with being naked next to my love or my closer female friends or at home, but it feels awkward with the boys (yeah, you-know-who, too! 
) or amidst strangers… even when i’m drunken.
especially with this new four scars from the operation i feel insecure, though i really like my body, there is no point why i shouldn’t. it’s not skinny (which i really don’t want to see on a woman’s body) and not fat. just curvy, nice hips, boobs and of course enough ass. lalala.
so, i just want to know – because i’m really curious – what do you think about sauna and being naked?
where are you from and how are you dealing with being naked?
you all can read it, i spent my day with harmony, relaxing time and – as sure as the sun rises here in austria in the morning – reading. i’m on the trip with roland and his ka-tet again. long lives the dark tower-series. long lives stephen king. (although he should be killed for the end of this longlonglong story! and for not writing down the whole thing frequently. i needed to know what happend ten years ago, not now… nowadays i’m too busy to read. most times.)
